Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
