I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
We have started to decorate penises.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
