sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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