I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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