I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
