Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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