Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
