You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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