i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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