i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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