If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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