I need help removing her.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
