genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
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