Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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