11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize