I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
