Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
