I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
