I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
