did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
