If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
