im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Randomize
