May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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