I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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