If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
