Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
