can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
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