"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I said "one day" and that day is not today
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
