My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
