i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
