I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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