Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Randomize
