CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize