The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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