These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
