i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize