you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
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