Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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