Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
