I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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