Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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