i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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