Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
