My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
A bitchslap is in order.
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