loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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