I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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