she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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