My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
