I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
