if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
