i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
