im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
