Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Found the puke drawer
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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