Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
