Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
