Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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