Screwed.edu
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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