Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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