He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
