Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize