oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
