Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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