life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
