She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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